~ From Katie ~
Wonderfully Made. These are words I want to instill in my children. I want them to live and breathe these words that give birth to a new life in Christ, to a deeper understanding of themselves, and an intimate relationship with the Lord. As I began writing about our journey, I knew the tough questions would come. That God would require me to break down walls and barriers to write the raw and real. When this question first began to surface, I suppressed it and said, ‘I’m not ready to go there, Lord.’ But the more I suppressed it, the heavier it weighed on my heart until I could no longer deny it: How can I teach my children they are wonderfully made if I do not feel wonderfully made? How can I teach them to embrace the fibers of their being as uniquely woven and designed by God, if I struggle to embrace my own? As I was discussing this struggle with my dear friend Aprille from Beautiful In His Time, she shared her heart with me and offers these beautiful, honest words to you.
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I memorized the words when I was in middle school.
“For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
The verses always made me feel so special. So unique. So beautiful.
Here I am now, nearly fifteen years later, and I find myself doubting the words.
I see the tired circles under my eyes, the extra pounds hanging around my middle (the unwanted guest who arrived with my pregnancy and now just. won’t. leave. Seriously…three years overstaying your welcome, Sister!)
I see severe food allergies, tired adrenals, a fatigued body taxed by motherhood and sleep deprivation. And I think, “Certainly. This model isn’t so wonderfully made, God.”
But more than the extra pounds or physical maladies, I see the parts of my personality I want to wish away with a magic wand. Introversion. Emotional neediness. Desires for creativity that often lies unexpressed.
And then there are those in my family. An extroverted husband whose personality clashes with mine far too often. His struggle with anxiety. And my extroverted, high-energy, only child (for-now) son.
And sometimes I question God’s judgment in making us a family. Making me his wife. Making me his mommy.
“Certainly, God, their lives would be better if I had more energy; if my personality was more compatible with theirs; if I didn’t need so much alone time or time to create.”
Other times it’s them I want to change to be more compatible to me and my needs.
But instead, I hear Him say, “Praise me. I made you just like I made your husband and your son. I made all of you just the way that I intended you to be. And it is wonderful. Praise me.”
Can I dare to believe it? That I am fearfully and wonderfully made? And that, in spite of all of the things that make our family complex, it is fearfully and wonderfully made as well?
I don’t know what struggles you are facing today. Perhaps it’s the mirror or the scale that are your enemies. Maybe you are wishing that you had paid more attention to that compatibility test you took before you got married. Maybe you have children whose personalities clash and they never get along. Or maybe you are wondering why God chose you to be the mom of a child with special needs.
Can I encourage you today?
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And so is each member of your family. Praise Him.
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